Can We Be Both Sex and Body-Positive and Also Anti-Pornography?
Recently, I heard Gayle Ruzicka, the outspoken leader of the Utah chapter of The Eagle Forum, complain on KUER-FM's RadioWest program about some of the sex education curricula used in local public schools. She suggested that if children in a classroom asked about matters pertaining to sexual technique or contraception, they should be referred to school counselors or nurses. Or, they should be talked to privately, undoubtedly in concert with a teacher and parents present. She was concerned about teachers going beyond the legal guidelines, which prohibit anything smacking of advocacy for sexual experimentation or contraception. She didn't want kids exposed to ideas their parents might disapprove of in a group setting. She, like many parents, would prefer that children abstained from sexuality activity until they are mature enough and married enough to handle it. Teen pregnancy, abortion, sexually transmitted illnesses, of course, are serious matters in every society. Promiscuity, it can be safe to say, does not promote enduring, loving relationships. Getting involved with sex too early can lead to lasting trauma and tragedy. Human experience teaches us that people are liable to fornicate or commit adultery at any stage beyond puberty. However, if children are singled out for asking uncomfortable questions, we still stigmatize them. Sending a child to a counselor or nurse is associated with either punishment or illness, not healthy curiosity. Waiting to address something "after class" is still associated with punishment. We are still telling kids they are better off going to their peers or the wild and woolly world-wide web for taboo inquiries.
However, I question whether we are helping children develop any normal, clinical understanding of matters like reproduction and healthy sexual satisfaction by shutting down the conversation, or exiling them to a school resource person. Could there be such a thing as having a licensed sex therapist handy, too? After all, children may bring up all sorts of topics these days, like divorce, infidelity, blended families, masturbation, gender dysmorphia, intersexuality, asexuality, same-sex attraction, statutory rape, incest, bestiality, transvestism, sado-masochism, and various fetishes and perversions. At the very least, boys will get erections and girls periods. Wet dreams are not unheard of, either, even among the very chaste. I would agree that schools should be respectful of children's own feelings of self-worth and not instil a hostile environment of shame or embarrassment. If kids are taught differently at home about matters of chastity or celibacy, these should be respected. Parents can choose whether or not they want their children taught in schools about reproduction. It is a shame, however, that neither teachers nor parents are required to deal with such matters in an informed, candid, non-judgmental fashion.
I would like to address another matter as well, which one might call the mystery of corporeal representation. I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. For many years, representatives of my faith have addressed matters of sexual morality, modest attire, marital fidelity, contraception, gender equality, and, to a lesser extent, gender identity. It is a faith which, while centered in salvation through the teachings and sacrifice of Jesus Christ, also places great weight upon the survival of the family unit in the eternities, forging links between progenitors and posterity over countless generations. For people to be truly happy, they need happy homes, which include parents which love each other and their children. Pornography intrudes upon domestic bliss and disrupts healthy relationships. June D. Jones, who presides over the Primary Organization in my church, responsible for the religious training of children ages 3-12, quotes the organization Fight the New Drug in enumerating pornography's common ill effects in her article "Addressing Pornography: Protect, Respond, and Heal" (Ensign, October 2019, 22):
While some might provide counter-arguments, no one will dispute that pornography has this effect on many, if not most, people. Not all people die of liver disease and brain damage from alcohol consumption, or of the many fatal diseases associated with tobacco, but this should not discourage public health officials from warning about these risk. So, we should be concerned about the pervasiveness of pornography, including the do-it-yourself aspects associated with phone cameras, web browsers, and instant messaging platforms. What caught my attention was a later article in the same Ensign issue, "Four Ways to Protect Your Family Against Pornography" (p. 60), in which is stated:
Our bodies are a sacred gift from God, and our sexual feelings are normal and good when used in harmony with their divine purpose. Pornography is designed to arouse and exploit sexual feelings. It portrays people not as children of God but as objects to use for selfish desires. Even young children can learn to recognize it in a simple way: “You might accidentally see a picture or video of someone with their clothes off. That’s called pornography. When you see it, you might feel an ‘uh-oh’ feeling inside. That’s the Holy Ghost telling you, ‘That’s pornography. Stay away.’” [Italics mine].
Our legalistic society tends to make matters of simple ethical and moral concern extremely difficult to sort out for adults, let alone explain to children. Still, it bothers me when a child is told that "a picture or video of someone with their clothes off" is tantamount to pornography. It reinforces the notions of shame which I believe well-intended people like Gayle Ruzicka wish to maintain in our classrooms. Without Internet or unlocked cable TV access, unclad people can still show up in many places. Images of naked, or partially naked, people can be found in anatomy and health textbooks, medical journals, health, fashion, and fitness magazines, art galleries and museums, public sculptures, and old National Geographic magazines, to name very few. People are often immodest in public in the summer, in sunny climates, and at the beach. Children may see a children's picture book or video which explains reproduction and puberty. Learning how to draw and paint requires the study of the human form, in most courses. Children may happen upon a nature documentary which portrays animals copulating, or see something mystifying going on between household pets or zoo animals. They are bound to see more of these sorts of things if raised on a farm, certainly. Somewhere along the line, they may see their parents, siblings, or other relations naked, accidentally. One would hope they catch no one copulating, as that would surely inspire a nuclear response. Some countries do not prohibit public nudity, while some others would see acceptably modest attire in the United States as not covering up enough. Some faiths have tried to get around the problem by proscribing representational art altogether.
So, another unenumerated, deleterious effect of pornography might be to render all representation of the human form suspect. While shame and disgust with the body and its functions remain intrinsic to many cultures, and has persisted in Christian culture since its emergence during the Roman Empire, I would argue that a key to addressing the many negative influences of pornography is to emphasize the positive aspects of sexuality and having a body to children, as soon as they can be taught about them. Sexual intimacy, within proper boundaries of marriage, with consideration shown to the personal needs of both spouses, is one of the great joys in life. Respect for our own bodies, and those of others, as well as understanding how they work, can be very liberating. When someone's body and/or personality is attractive to a child, it should be recognized as normal. Shame, disgust, or lust are some of the other possible responses. These should be recognized as well. Since I believe people are born into this world to learn how to function with a body, it is heresy to try to associate bodies with only negative or pejorative connotations. How dare we denigrate God's creations? At the same time, we shouldn't delude ourselves into thinking that any seemingly benign portrayal of human anatomy, sexuality, or even excretory functions can be devoid of erotic associations for someone, somewhere.
Many people today, from a wide spectrum of cultures, ages, and social classes, feel alienated, confused and frustrated about their gender identity, familial bonds, social interaction, marital status, corporeal image, and erotic urges. How can religion address these? All faiths have something to say positive to say about charity, neighborliness, compassion towards strangers, peaceable dealings, toleration, honesty, and the need to one's ego and pride in check. Not all address the need for domestic bliss. Nor do all profess the same squeamishness about the human body that the faiths which have originated in the Near East do. Members of my faith and others of the Judeo-Christian and Muslim traditions can learn from these. This is why interfaith dialogue is so important, simply because all belief systems are prone to inherit fanciful, obsolete or even pernicious notions due to human imperfection. There is plenty of wisdom to go around, and no credo has a monopoly upon it.
I also think scientific knowledge is called for, too, as some taboos have, frankly, worn out their usefulness, particularly those which are proving injurious to personal hygiene and health. Nevertheless, science is not in a position to dictate moral conduct or address spiritual matters. It can, however, inspire greater appreciation for the works of the divine, even if not directly ascribing aspects of the natural world to a higher power or presence. Children need sex education. Adults need sex education. Human relationships are complicated. Schools and science cannot provide all the answers, but can provide guidance about what pairings work out, and which ones don't. They can also explain some of the role of hormones and the reproductive system in influencing our actions and thoughts, how pregnancy is achieved, and how genital contact allows certain diseases to be transmitted. Kids should know what is both healthy and unhealthy about sex, and why each body is so different. Instead of shame and secrecy, kids and adults need to know where they can get authoritative information, and what scientifically verifiable facts exist about human physiology. Religion can give guidance about how one should live with this knowledge. Otherwise, children and adults will continue to turn to "adult entertainment" and snake oil peddlers for their troubling, embarrassing and taboo questions. If religious and scientific leaders are to make any headway against the Age of DIM (Disinformation, Ignorance and Misinformation), we need to quit shying away from The Talk.
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